I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woke up backwards on a recliner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
