I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
