This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
