im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
