Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
