That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
