Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
