it wasn't lemon gatorade
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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