For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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