Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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