complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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