I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
