Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
