in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you never un-have a 4some
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
