I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
