YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
