"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
