PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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