Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
