Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
