"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We left the knife in your bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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