Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
