I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
