okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
