those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
