I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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