Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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