i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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