my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
