i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
