i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
