Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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