About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
