The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize