i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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