At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
