found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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