last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
