If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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