I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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