It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
