yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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