I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
