I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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