Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
