Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
