i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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