It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
