I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
