Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
