EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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