It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
