Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
