i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
