i just google imaged poop.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
