she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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