lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
