I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
