i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
