Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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