I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I supernannyed him into submission
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
