it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
