The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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