fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize