he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
