Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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