Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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