when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
