I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
