I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
