Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
