Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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