im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
