Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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