That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
